Reflections on how I learn to live life with faith.
They say, single people give better love life advice. Is this true? I got no idea.
My entire day was consumed on talking to one of my best friends who lives in Manila. About 80% of our conversation has been about her “confusion” about what “label” is her relationship with this guy who lives miles and miles away. From the time I woke up this morning, posted my mail, drove to work, came home from work, and preparing myself to bed….. it’s still about this guy. He must be very handsome, groovy, suave and charming to have swept my friend off her feet as she cannot seem to stop thinking about him. #GuyProblems
Coming from someone who has not been in a relationship for a long time, and has had a lot of failed “potential” future mates, I’m probably the last person who can give a valid relationship or “potential” relationship advice. I could only speak on behalf of my past experience, which was 4 years ago. I seem to be better at providing guidance to ladies who have been broken hearted rather than ladies who are in a relationship. I could only look at myself and see someone who is not even in a relationship, so does my relationship advice even have any merit or value? Hmm…
I just realised that Valentine’s day is on its way in a few days. I cannot remember the last time I’ve had a date for Valentine’s (probably 2003?). Or even the last time I’ve received my favourite white rose from a guy (hrrmmm…. 2005?). OR the last time a guy gave me chocolates and a bottle of wine (which my family ended up eating…. 2011?). The last time I went out on a date is probably in 2014, and I don’t even know if it was a date (I probably defined it as a date in my head). Okay… I vaguely remember, as I can still remember those “scenarios” and the years. But, the point is, it’s really been a long time that I was with someone or someone has seriously pursued me, that I don’t know if I’m the best person to even talk to with regards to relationship issues (But don’t get me wrong, I will try my best to point you to Christ especially if I feel that the answer is Christ and not this person).
I can share and quote as many biblical scriptures and biblical teachings about relationships, about being a woman of God, about being single and content — but my strength in my walk into single blessedness is not and will not always be the same as the others. I’m really really cautious. And I always read the bible to consult if I keep attuned to being the woman of God that the bible describes…. and at the same time, I keep checking if this man is able to lead me – physically, emotionally and spiritually? Or is he too lazy to even lead a prayer?
When I know that a guy is not a Christian, I know that I will not even think of pursuing a relationship with the person. It is just my personal conviction, not that I am automatically judging (not all people who are ‘Christians’ are REALLY Christians, if you know what I’m saying)… but my personal belief is that, I prefer my potential spouse to commit to loving God first before he commits to love me… so that through my flaws, my potential will not see my imperfections, but the perfect God who is inside of me (and I will also be the same to him).
“No woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn’t in submission to God!” — T.D. Jakes
I’m not saying that I am afraid of getting myself back out there into the relationship scene. In one of my previous posts, I have declared that yes, I am finally ready to be in a relationship as the baggage of the old relationship and the fear has long gone. It took a while for me to finally come to that conclusion, and without a doubt – I am ready. Yes, Lord, I will now start praying for a husband, and for me to be the wife to a man’s prayer. And I am finally committing myself into preparing for what the bible states is a woman who….
- Fears the Lord — “Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
- Has a gentle & quiet spirit — “Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in the God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
- A helper — Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18
- Submissive — Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.- Colossians 3:18
- Worth searching for that money or favour cannot buy — An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:10-31
Being in a relationship or even praying for a potential spouse works three-ways. First, I cannot just settle immediately with the first guy that I will meet, I have to really get to know the person. The important part is that the heart and the emotion does not only do the talking as the heart can be deceitful. Second, I cannot simply be unrealistic with my standards, but I should also prepare myself into a godly wife (particularly when it comes to being a submissive wife). And lastly, I cannot just decide for myself without consulting and have the blessing of God, and my parents.
Sounds too good to be true, I know. I’m not even perfect, myself. Although, the longer I prolong and wait until I am ready, the more that it will never happen. He may come, he may not come. For all I know, its better now that I am preparing myself. If I deserve a man who is worthy to meet my parents, I know that this man also deserves a woman who is worthy to meet his parents.
I’m giving myself a chance, and by God’s grace, He will bless me with what I seek for. And I will give love, and love again because I have been loved and I have received love. Like Jesus, don’t be afraid to be the one who loves the most, as long as I continue to seek God in everything.
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” — Maya Angelou