KBM

Reflections on how I learn to live life with faith.

Mr. Wrong

Prior to reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I have gone out with three guys. I don’t think I am a beautiful person according to the worldly standards to boast that I went out with three guys! It’s not even something that I have to be proud of. Furthermore, I also entertained a suitor with the possibility of entering another long distance relationship. However, getting to know those four guys, one could expect that, well here are my options, I just have to choose one and obviously, I will end up with one. Wrong. They all ended up being Mr. Wrong, and I also realised that I was Ms. Wrong for them too. Everything was just wrong.

“The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.”

― Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

Eveytime there’s a guy that comes into my life, I’m entering into that mixture of dilemma and assumptions. I don’t want to be rude to someone, but at the same time I don’t want my friendliness to be misinterpreted as “I’m interested at you.” I had that dilemma. Add that to the fact that I do have a lot of male friends that I go out with as a group, which can easily turn off a guy who I am starting to like (which happened most of the time). One guy that I’ve gone crazy for (literally), surprised me on my birthday only to find out that my brothers doesn’t like him. There was a point when I’ve stopped liking a guy because his signals were bordering “does he like me? does he not? why all these efforts? he never said anything!” — just to end up knowing that he did like me. They were all wrong… wrong time, wrong people, and wrong thinking (on my end).

Then there’s this “list”. I’ve heard about the list from my fellow single Christian friends and one pastor. The list contains what you are looking for in a partner, and that you pray for your list hoping that God will allow you to meet the one. What this list does is for one to be reminded of their own standards to help discern if someone is a potential. This list helps a single person protect their heart and keep it well-guarded from abusive relationships and heartaches. I am really doubtful about making a list because it’s like demanding something from God and not allowing His plans to unveil for me. After a few months, I made one anyway.

My list contained:

1. Must be a Christian

2. Filipino

3. Family centred (great family relationship), and someone that my family will like for me.

4. Living in Australia – I don’t like LDR anymore.

5. Stable career, preferably in the same field as me (i.e. healthcare/medical)

6. Can sing, musically-inclined.

7. Likes to go on random trips and is up for an adventure — likes to travel.

8. Likes photography — appreciates art.

9. Not too tall, taller than me is what matters the most.

10. No unhealthy vice – smoking, drinking, clubbing, squandering..

11. Someone that I can have an intellectual conversation with..

12. Decisive

… and other silly things, I think I had listed 20+ qualities… there was one where I said, I don’t really like good looking guys, a cute one is enough. -.-

I eventually deleted the list that I made. I felt that it was filled with selfish desires and I was being such a perfectionist that I will never meet someone who possess all qualities in that list, even ticking the top five. My mom said that she was worried that my standards are too high, and that no one will ever be good enough. My mom said that the guys might be insecure of me (weh?). Plus, I’m not even a perfect person myself that I don’t think I can and will ever meet the world’s standard of a potential mate.

I did eventually realise that the person that I was looking for on the list were the things that I did not see on my previous relationship. I was looking for a man of God who is not a sluggard, has a sense of direction, decisive, and would be interested in the hobbies that interests me. But at the end of the day…. I deleted my list because God doesn’t care about my list. He cares about me. I shouldn’t care about my list, about my potential partner, I should care about my God. For all I know, perhaps God wants me to remain single so His purpose in my life would be fulfilled. I just know that when he comes, he comes, and the timing will be perfect. Besides, at this point in my life where I have one priority that I still have to finish (career-wise), I can say that I’m still not ready to commit (… until March this year, lol.).

Then there’s the Adam principle. According to my discipler, the Adam principle was based on Adam and how he met his Eve. During the time after the Creation, Adam was created by God and focused on obeying the Lord and enjoyed the Lord’s fellowship. When God saw that Adam needed a helper in doing ministry work, God created Eve for Adam. Remember, God made Eve for Adam — Adam did not look nor demand for Eve from God. And when Eve was created, Eve saw God first before she saw Adam. Hence, ladies, let’s focus our eyes on God first because God will lead and allow us to see our Adam later on. There’s no sense fixing our eyes on a potential Adam when we ourselves fail to see God first. And lastly, the meeting between Adam and Eve was one that God has blessed and matched.

God planned for their meeting and their first encounter/date — not man, hence, let us not plan or act before God. If God tells us to walk, let’s not run. Let’s take our time. Sometimes we tend to rush things due to impatience, only knowing if we’re already good enough when we reach that destination. Sometimes, we end up regretting that we did not take the time – nor that we are always being blamed for not being good enough. Because we acted first before we waited for God. We were asked to walk because we are to enjoy and savour every moment of our journey before we reach our destination. Life is not a race.

As Adam and Eve’s romance was blessed by God, certainly, I also prefer to wait for God to reveal my own Adam. A relationship that is blessed by God is a relationship filled with purpose to serve Him, not a lustful and selfish relationship. A relationship blessed by God springs life, and does not take away life. Take Romeo and Juliet for instance, their love for each other was against all odds, full of passion, less on waiting, and decisions made on feelings… and yet, their relationship did not spring life — they had a tragic ending. Does God want for us to be with someone who will only ruin us? Who will lead us to harm, tragedy, and death? We are His Creations, we are His children. Like our own fathers, God the Father, also wants the best future spouses for us. Hence, I’ve stopped engaging into flirtatious friendships with the opposite sex because it will only make me feel good temporarily, but intimacy without commitment and readiness is a man-made relationship that is only bound for failure and sin.

“And I think that’s the story of our generation’s pursuit of fulfillment in relationships. We wished for intimacy without obligation. We wished for sex with no strings attached. We wished for the pleasure of love with none of work, none of the vows, none of the sacrifice.

And we got it.

But the results aren’t what we hoped for. And we’re left feeling emptier than before. The intimacy is superficial. The sex leaves us dissatisfied and hungry for something real, something true.

Where is true joy? It’s found in God’s brand of love – love founded on faithfulness, rooted in commitment.

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”

― Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

…. to be continued.

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One comment on “Mr. Wrong

  1. Pingback: Ms. Wrong | KBM

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This blog contains my thoughts, reflections and realizations about my journey. Who I was before, what I am currently learning, what has inspired me, and who I am now.

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